Obesity: The Plague that is sweeping the Nation
Brandy Autrey
ENG 215 Effective Academic Writing
September 5, 2011

Obesity: The Plague that is sweeping the Nation
Obesity rates are increasing in the United States and across the globe. There are several causes such as slow metabolism or lack of physical activity, (would and complete the sentence better?) more alarming is the problem of junk food. The effects of the increasing epidemic, obesity, include disease, cancer, and even death! Methods to prevent further damage to the population exist, and informing the nation and globe of how and why is crucial to the rehabilitation of obese individuals and others on the verge. By exploring the cause of obesity along with its effects on the body and mind the hope (this sentence sounds unclear, much like a run on sentence. It is unclear what you are meaning by “with its effects on the body and mind the hope”.), better yet, (insert the) goal is to give others the knowledge needed to fight the plague of obesity.(great introductory paragraph and thesis) (

Causes

Obesity is the result of many issues and the root causes all lay (all lay seems vague, perhaps are found may flow better?) within the body and mind. Causes range from something as simple as over eating to more complex problems of (perhaps like or such as) having a slow metabolism. Other triggers of obesity include: poor diet,malnutrition, genes passed down, and depression. Early in life (insert comma after life) if a person is prone to bad eating habits (insert comma after habits) later the person will be (if rephrased it will become clearer) more prone to the possibility of being overweight. The CDC or Center for Disease Control and Prevention monitors the growing epidemic and expresses concern in the rising numbers of obesity cases. Over 64 percent of people within the American borders are considered to be obese, which puts our country at the top compared to other countries around the globe (The weight of the world obesity: a global epidemic, 2003). (That last paragraph with stats is great()

Excessive over eating (insert also?) contributes largely to the problem of obesity. Part of the reason why people over eat is the wide variety of temptation that centers on junk food (This statement is vague, how is temptation a wide variety?). “It’s official. Food is the new tobacco” (Obesity can go to the head, 2002). Through advertisement on billboards and television (inset comma after television) the ease of accessibility (would sound better rephrased, possibly without the ease) of (swap of for to) poor foods make restaurants prime choices for junk food, and it only aids the problem (this is a long sentence). Children are especially affected and are given the (remove the) wrong impressions of what really (actually or trulymay sound better, really sounds vague) has nutritional value; this makes it hard for healthy eating habits to be learned and incorporated into daily life (The weight of the world obesity: a global epidemic, 2003). Early life malnutrition is a sign that a person will be more likely to suffer from obesity and the affects. “An estimated 17.6 million children under 5 are estimated to be overweight worldwide. The U.S. Surgeon General reports that the number of overweight children in the United States has doubled and that the number of overweight adolescents has tripled since 1980” (The weight of the world obesity: a global epidemic, 2003). Statistics show the hard facts and the growing alarm obesity is creating (vague sentence, consider rephrasing, it is unclear what you mean to say with “statistics show the hard facts and the growing alarm”) . Over portioning of foods also contributes to over eating habits. “According to a study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, the size of an average order of French fries has nearly tripled since 1955” (The weight of the world obesity: a global epidemic, 2003). Other issues, aside (consider swapping aside for words such as other than, apart from, or in addition to. Aside sounds vague) from excessive food intake and a poor diet, affect the issue of obesity (what other issues affect obesity? Explain your statement further). Slow metabolismand (remove and, insert a comma) hereditary genes (insert a comma after genes) and lack of physical activity contribute to the growing epidemic. Self-image (comma before or) or the want to conform to “model” standards can oftentimes cause depression in individuals, which also feeds (how does this feed obesity? The statement is unclear) for (consider swapping for with in) those who turn to “comfort food”.

Effects

The consequences or (the sentence sounds fine without consequences) effects of obesity lead to numerous health issues, and in extreme cases can result in death. Research and data have found the effects related to obesity cause several chronic diseases and even cancer. Some of the chronic diseases include: “arthritis, cardiovascular and respiratory diseases, diabetes, gallbladder and kidney diseases, [and] osteoporosis” (Beals, 2004) (great info you included). Premature death is among the (that) list and affects not only the person with the weight issue (insert coma before but) but family members too. Dying at an early age is expensive regardless of the obesity related heath issue that caused the death; the cost of funerals is high. (This last statement is vague, it seems obscure to state that. Why is dying at an early age expensive and what does it have to do with obesity?)

The effects of obesity are not just restricted to the body but the economy (consider insertingis affected) as well. The cost of medical care and insurance for overweight individuals is on the rise right alongside the number of people becoming obese. “The health cost of obesity in the United States is as high as $147 billion annually, based on a new study from Research Triangle Institute and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention” (Study Estimates Medical Cost of Obesity May Be as High as $147 Billion Annually, 2009). The epidemic is out of control with severe effects that impact families, children, and our country (consider further explaining why it impacts children, families, and our country, other than financially). The rise in obesity is not limited to the American Nation but is spreading and growing worldwide. The cost to support research for cures to the related diseases and cancers cost money, and programs to help obesity are draining the American coffers. Studies have shown a rise in annual medical costs for people who are obese. Over six percent of obese medical expenses have increased to over nine percent within an eight year span. Organizations that contribute to health related payments include Medicare, Medicaid, and even private insurers who pay for the problem. Obese individuals are spending more money on medical related care than individuals who are healthy (Study Estimates Medical Cost of Obesity May Be as High as $147 Billion Annually, 2009). (good info!)Aid and Prevention

There are programs and methods designed to help aid individuals who suffer from obesity. The same or similar methods can be used by regular people to help with heath related issues, or to just maintain a healthy body. Physical exercise is commonly known to help promote health. “High-quality evidence shows that increased physical activity is effective in maintaining a modest total weight loss. However, diet alone appears to be more effective than exercise alone” (Branca, 2007). Running, jogging, and walking are all great ways to help one stay in shape or get in shape at a moderate pace. Physical workout sessions with health professionals at gyms are also options for people who are obese. Trainers can work one on one with individuals and oftentimes suggest diets when the need is evident. “High-quality evidence supports the effectiveness of low-energy diets for treating obesity. Restricting dietary fat appears to be an effective method of lowering energy density and is associated with spontaneous weight loss” (Branca, 2007). Diet plans are (consider inserting also) plentiful (insert comma after plentiful) as well as well as (correct repeated words to clarify meaning) physical activities; however, other possibilities are present (consider swapping the word for available?).

Surgery is an option for people who can qualify and (consider inserting can, or are able to)financially afford the cost. The product of (consider removing that, it sounds unnecessary, or, swapping the word product for procedure) surgery is “the only proven intervention to maintain weight reduction in severely obese patients for the longer term (more than 10 years). This weight reduction is associated with significant metabolic benefits, especially a reduction in the incidence of type 2 diabetes” (Branca, 2007). Abdominoplasty or (consider removing or and inserting a comma) also known as a tummy tuck is one step further than (consider swapping than for from) simple liposuction and has more potential risks. Abdominoplasty is the focus of (consider removing focus of, it seems unnecessary) removal of abdominal skin along with liposuction for cosmetic purposes (Dictionary.com, 2011). Surgery is a convenient method for weight loss and excess skin removal; however, individuals should be aware of the risks. Risks accompany weight gain and should be no surprise to discover risks also follow weight loss (vague statement, consider rephrasing). Facts reveal people have actually (consider removing actually, sounds unprofessional) died from weight loss surgery, and this information should further stress the importance of staying healthy in the first place, rather than being forced to face such drastic measures (run on sentence, consider rephrasing or fixing punctuations). Another common surgicalmethod is gastric bypass surgery, a surgery that cuts the stomach into a smaller bag. The effect is (consider swapping is for results in) the person usually (consider removing the person is) eats less and can control the amount of food intake. The experience of one woman named Cara is a positive example in a few ways. “One month after the surgery, Cara had lost 30 pounds and said she felt great. She's been able to get off her high blood pressure medicine and she no longer needs the pain pills she used to take for her sore back” (Analysis: Whether gastric bypass surgery helps to reduce obesity-related health problems, 2004).

Weight loss decisions are not only goals but also lifestyle changes. In an effort to combat the effects of obesity (insert comma) counseling and diagnosing other triggers of obesity can aid individuals who possibly (consider removing possibly and swapping for May) suffer in more ways than just poundage. Depression and anxiety can trigger reactions in individuals causing people to excessively over eat. With the help of doctors (insert comma) individuals can be tested for problems such as hypothyroidism, which contributes to weight gain. A relatively new syndrome that plagues obese people is NES, Night Eating Syndrome. Insomnia is a symptom found among those who suffer from NES; and individuals normally tend to consume carbohydrate packed foods. Approximately ten percent ofthe obese population suffers from NES tendencies and symptoms (Rodriguez, 2010). Changing bad eating habits and dangerous lifestyles to incorporate healthy diets and activities can be difficult. Professionals and doctors are available for help along with counselors. (Great paragraph, the info is well researched, however, I found the information to be all over the place and not pertaining (or not making a flowing connection) to your statement “weight loss decisions are not only goals but also lifestyle changes. You seem to have switched to providing more causes of obesity rather than elaborate more on your statement).

Conclusion

The issue of obesity centers on the health of overweight individuals (you may want to rephrase that statement. How does obesity itself, being an issue, center on the health of overweight individuals?) ; the focus extends to the causes and effects and preventative measures that pertain to the epidemic. Causes of obesity range from excessive food intake and lack of physical exercise, some cases stem from genetic issues like slow metabolism. The effects of obesity often result in health issues related to disease, cancer, and to the most (rephrase this, maybe remove to) extreme being death. Obesity’s causes and (remove and, insert a comma in its place) effects (insert comma) and even paths to rehabilitation are costly in more ways than one. Help does exist for theseemingly hopeless. Doctors; therapists, counselors, and other professionals can be contacted to help begin the process of recovery from obesity. Knowledge is power and power enforces will. People who suffer from obesity can find and hold on to the will power needed to fight the epidemic obesity has become. Will power can begin small, but big changes come from accumulated small decisions. Next time, when in line at that fast food restaurant, remember to say no when you hear, “Do you want fries with that?”

Brandy,

Your essay was great! The amount of research you used was very informative, and also shows how much dedication you put into researching to inform the reader. Overall, it is evident that your grammar is excellent, and I noticed only a few punctuation errors. I noticed one or two run on sentences. There was only one paragraph that I found did not flow well, or, pertain to the opening statement but I can tell that it is because you worked hard to inform every aspect of causes for obesity. I hope my feedback helps. I am not the best grammar and punctuation student but I tried to mark places where words and sentences just didn’t flow well(. Thanks (

Reference

'Analysis: Whether gastric bypass surgery helps to reduce obesity-related health problems. (10:00-11:00 AM)(Broadcast transcript).' Morning Edition 12 Oct. 2004. Global Issues In Context. Web. 27 Aug. 2011.

Beals, KatherineA. 'National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES).' Nutrition and Well-Being A to Z. Ed. Delores C.S. James. Vol. 2. New York: Macmillan Reference USA, 2004. 68-73. Global Issues In Context. Web. 26 Aug. 2011.

Branca, Francesco, Haik Nikogosian, and Tim Lobstein. '4. Management and treatment of obesity.' WHO Regional Publications, European Series. World Health Organization, 2007. 32+. Global Issues In Context. Web. 26 Aug. 2011.

Dictionary.com. (2011). Abdominoplasty. Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/abdominoplasty

'Losing the Weight Stigma.' The New York Times Magazine 19 Oct. 2008: 8(L). Global Issues In Context. Web. 26 Aug. 2011.

'Obesity can go to the head.' Australian [Sydney, Australia] 26 June 2002: 11. Global Issues In Context. Web. 26 Aug. 2011.

Rodriguez, Lavinia. 'RECOVERY FROM NIGHT-EATING SYNDROME NOT A DREAM.' St. Petersburg Times [St. Petersburg, FL] 9 Oct. 2010: 16. Global Issues In Context. Web. 27 Aug. 2011.

“Study Estimates Medical Cost of Obesity May Be As High as $147 Billion Annually. “(July 27, 2009). US Newswire, Retrieved August 27, 2011, from Global Issues In Context via Gale:http://find.galegroup.com.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com/gic/start.do?prodId=GIC

'The weight of the world obesity: a global epidemic.' Current Events, a Weekly Reader publication 26 Sept. 2003: 2+. Global Issues In Context. Web. 26 Aug. 2011.