A modest proposal
For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Ireland
From Being Aburden to Their Parents or Country, and
For Making Them Beneficial to The Public
Jonathan Swift
(1729)
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel
in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded
with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all
in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms.
These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are
forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or
leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell
themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in
the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of
their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great
additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and
easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth,
would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a
preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the
children of professedbeggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in
the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect
as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important
subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have
always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just
dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little
other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2 shillings, which the mother
may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging;
and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a
manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or
wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the
contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many
thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent
those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their
bastard children, alas! too frequent among us!
sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the
shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usuallyreckoned one million and a
half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose
wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who
are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be
so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted,
there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract
fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident
or disease within the year. There only remains one
hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The
question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which,
as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them
in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country)
nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till
they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although
I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can
however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed
by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he
never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of
the kingdom sorenowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old is
no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they will not yield
above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange;
which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of
nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be
liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London,
that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious,
nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and
I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and
twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for
breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to
sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom
the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages,
therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining
hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of
quality and fortunethrough the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them
suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a
good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and
when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable
dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the
fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and
in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore
very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful
in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an
eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children
born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other
season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more
glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to
one
in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by
lessening the number of papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child (in which
list I reckonall cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about
two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat
child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive
meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with
him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among
his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for
work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the
carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for
ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the
most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be
wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing
them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly
esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement
upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late
destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well
supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen
yearsof age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country
being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these to be
disposed of by their parents
if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so
excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his
sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me, from
frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that
of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to
fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I
think, with humble submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would
become breeders themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some
scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very
unjustly), as a little bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always
been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well
intended.
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put
into his head by the famous salmanazar, a native of the island Formosa, who
came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my
friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death,
the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a primedainty; and
that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an
attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty’s prime
minister of state, and
other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred
crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several
plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes
cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in
foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number
of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to
employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation
of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter,
because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold
and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as
to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get
work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if
at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength
to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from
the evils to come.
I have too long digressed,and therefore shall return
to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which
I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of
papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the
nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose
with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their
advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to
leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their
conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something
valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to
pay their landlord’s rent, their corn and cattle being already seized,
and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two
years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per
annum, the nation’s stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds
per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all
gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the
money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being
entirely of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain
ofeight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid
of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the
vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for
dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all
the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good
eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will
contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage,
which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws
and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward
their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes,
provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense.
We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could
bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives
during the time of their
pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their
sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too
frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some
thousandcarcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of
swine’s flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much
wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables;
which are no way comparable in
taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole
will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor’s feast or any other
public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of
brevity.
Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers
for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings,
particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off
annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where
probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this
proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of pe ple will be thereby
much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and ’twas indeed one
principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe,
that I calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland,
and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth.
Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at
five shillings a pound:Of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except
what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials
and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of
pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of
parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we
differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our
animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were
murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a
little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of
teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants.
Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our
shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native
goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair
proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients,
’till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some
hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain,
idle, visionarythoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I
fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath
something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own
power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind
of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a
consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name
a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any
offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy,
and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in
contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or
authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an
hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round
million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole
subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of
pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of
farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars
in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps
be sobold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of
these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to
have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby
have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone
through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent
without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor
clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed
for ever.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal
interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive
than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for
infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no
children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine
years old, and my wife past child-bearing.
The End
Jonathan Swift (1667–1745), author and satirist, famous for
Gulliver’s Travels (1726) and A Modest Proposal (1729). This proposal,
where he suggests that the Irish eat their own children, is one of his most
drastic pieces. He devoted much of his writing to the struggle for Ireland against
the English hegemony.
JONATHAN SWIFT A Modest Proposal
